Use these communication strategies based on real-world scenarios to prevent borrowers from unexpectedly disappearing.

Few things are as frustrating in private lending as a borrower who suddenly stops responding. Whether it’s at the beginning of the loan, mid-project, or right before closing, a communication breakdown can spell trouble.

Instead of throwing up your hands, you can turn these setbacks into wins. Here’s how to keep borrowers engaged, prevent ghosting, and turn radio silence into productive conversations.

Borrowers Disappear After Initial Contact

You’ve had the first call. The borrower seems interested. Then—nothing. Silence. Did they find another lender? Change their mind? Get abducted by aliens? (Hey, it happens.) Here’s how to avoid this problem—and solve it if it does happen.

» Prevent

Get micro-commitments—small “yeses”—to keep people engaged. “If I can get you what you need today, are you ready to move forward?” is a big one. Establishing this series of yeses is important initially so you can affirm that you and the potential borrower are on the same page.

Pre-frame the next step. On your first call, set clear next steps. People are less likely to ghost when they know what’s expected.

“Great chat today! I’ll send over the next steps, and let’s check in on Friday at 10 a.m. to go over any questions. Sound good?”

Getting the borrower to verbally commit makes them more likely to follow through.

But you need to go a bit deeper. Look for the borrower’s “nos.” Although it’s not what a salesperson wants to hear, getting to “no” is the best form of negotiation in the initial stages. It helps unveil what the real problems are. Once your team can define the problem(s), all you have to do is work the solution.

» Resolve

Establish a pattern of yeses, but learn the art of no. During your first contact, establish the relationship. Use the direct approach. First ask: “What would you say your biggest problem is to closing this loan with a lender today?”

This is the moment to stay quiet. The hardest thing for your sales staff to learn is that you are really a late-night talk show host and your job is to keep the conversation going, not monopolize the show.

Ask some questions to see if you can get a no. This includes questions about the borrower, the project, and your own underwriting guidelines.

“Is getting funding for this deal not a priority right now?” If the borrower says, “No, it is a priority,” they’ll often explain why, giving insight into their urgency and concerns.

“Have you decided against using hard money for this project?” If they say, “No, I just have some concerns,” you have a window to address those concerns directly.

“Would it be ridiculous to say you’re unsure about how this process works?” If they say, “No, I actually don’t know much about it,” you have permission to educate them without making them feel embarrassed.

“Do you feel like this loan might not be the best fit for your goals?” If they say, “No, I just need to understand a few things,” they’ll tell you exactly what they need to move forward.

“Is it too early to talk about how we can structure this loan to meet your needs?” If they say, “No, I’m ready to talk about it now,” they’ll engage more openly in structuring a deal.

» Go On the Offence

Here are some problem-solving answers you can provide as they open up and elaborate on those “nos”:

“I’m worried about the interest rate.” Answer: “It makes sense to be concerned about costs. Would it help if I showed you how investors structure deals, so the financing costs don’t eat into their profits?”

“I’ve heard hard money is too expensive.” Answer: “That’s fair. Would it surprise you to learn that many investors use hard money because speed and leverage make them more money than they’d save with a cheaper loan?”

“I don’t think I qualify.” Answer: “That’s understandable. Would it help to walk through what we really look for? You might be in a better position than you think.”

“I’m not sure how the loan process works.” Answer: “Would it make sense to walk you through it step by step? It’s actually simpler than most people think.”

“I don’t know if I can get the rehab done on time.” Answer: “That’s a smart concern. Would it be helpful if I connect you with a few contractors who specialize in investor rehabs?”

“I’m afraid of overleveraging.” Answer: “That’s a great concern. Would it help to structure the deal so your cash flow stays strong and your risk stays low?”

Borrowers Go Dark

“Whew…. Glad that’s over, right? I did everything right during the initial contact, so now I don’t have to worry.” Nope. Now it’s like the initial relationship-building never even happened. Your team is hearing everything: “I’m on vacation” or “I’m just so busy.” Or, the worst … nothing—no responses to phone calls, texts, emails, carrier pigeons, candygrams. You got the loan estimates and you’re just waiting on docs, paperwork, payment of the appraisal—anything to get the deal moving out of the parking lot and into the autobahn.

» Prevent

Build checkpoints into the loan. Set regularly scheduled and unscheduled check-ins at the beginning.

“Every other day, let’s have a quick 10-minute touchpoint so we stay ahead of any potential hiccups.”

If your borrower expects scheduled conversations, they’re less likely to disappear.

» Resolve

Employ tactical empathy and labeling. Emotions are key to getting a borrower to reengage. Instead of accusing or demanding, use labeling to acknowledge their situation and the fear of losing out.

“[Name], I imagine managing everything I’m asking for while juggling everything else must be overwhelming. It seems like there might be some challenges getting this information over. No worries, it’s very common. Let me help you quarterback this so I can get you your time back. Let me know how I can help.”

This nonthreatening approach makes them more likely to respond. They feel understood, not attacked.

» Go on the offense

In this case, the borrower isn’t responding to anything. Play into their fear of losing out. You must understand people will take more risks to avoid a loss than to realize a gain. This principle is rooted in behavioral economics and is a powerful tool to reengage borrowers.

If a borrower has gone dark, you can pose no-oriented questions:

“Have you decided to walk away from this opportunity?”

“Would it be unfair to say that you’re OK with letting this deal slip through?”

“Is securing funding for this deal no longer a priority for you?”

These questions trigger the borrower’s fear of missing out and make them more likely to reengage without feeling pressured.

Future Business with a New Property

In this scenario, you want another loan out of a previous borrower, but they’re not responding. Let’s look at what you can do.

Use a No-Oriented Question to Reengage. Instead of saying, “Are you ready for another deal?” (which invites an easy “no” and ghosting), frame the question in a way that triggers fear of missing out.

“Have you decided to stop growing your portfolio?”

“Is it crazy to think you might have another deal coming up soon?”

“Are you comfortable letting other investors get funding faster while you wait?”

These questions make the borrower feel like they could miss an opportunity, prompting them to respond.

Remind Them of Their Past Success with You. People don’t want to feel like they’re walking away from a good thing. Use loss aversion by highlighting their previous win with you.

“[Name], I was just reviewing our last deal, and I have to say—you nailed that project! I’d hate to see you miss out on your next big opportunity. Have you decided to pause investing, or do you have something coming up that we can get preapproved for?”

This reminds them of their success, making them want to repeat it.

Offer a Soft Exit (Reverse Psychology). When borrowers feel pushed, they pull away. Instead, give them an easy “out” to subconsciously pull them back in.

“Would it be ridiculous to say you’re done using hard money for your deals?”

“Is it fair to assume you won’t need fast funding anytime soon?”

Most investors will instinctively disagree with these statements, leading them to reengage.

Create a Sense of Urgency Without Pressure. Instead of pushing the borrower to act, use time-sensitive language that triggers loss aversion.

“[Name], I just helped another investor lock in funding before the market shifts again. Have you decided against getting preapproved before rates or terms change?”

This is a subtle reminder that waiting could cost them.

Give Them a Reason to Talk to You. Offer something of value without asking for anything in return.

“[Name], I just put together a quick breakdown of what’s working for investors in [their market]. Would it be crazy to send it your way?”

If they say “No, that’s not crazy,” they’ve just agreed to reengage.

Make It Easy for Them to Say “Yes.” Sometimes, past borrowers don’t reach out because they assume they have to start over.

“I already have most of your info from your last deal. Want me to update your preapproval so you’re ready for your next opportunity?”

Now they see reengaging as easy.

Keep It Casual and Conversational. The best way to reengage a past borrower is to not sound desperate. Use humor, reverse psychology, and loss aversion to make them feel in control while reminding them of the value you bring.

Final Takeaway: Borrowers ghost for all kinds of reasons—fear, being overwhelmed, distractions. As lenders, we don’t have to accept radio silence as defeat. Instead of chasing dead leads, we strategically reengage, uncover objections, and guide borrowers back to the table.

By applying tactical empathy, loss aversion, and no-oriented questions, you can turn setbacks into opportunities and ghosts into repeat borrowers.