How You Respond to Criticism Is Critical

One of the areas where I have failed repeatedly is dealing with criticism. am not critical by nature, but I have been in leadership positions the past 19 years of my career. In those various positions, I have dealt with a fair amount of criticism. But the reality is this: Leaders have to make difficult choices.

As an owner of multiple business, not all my decisions are always the best. I can admit that, as hard as it is. Even though I know I have made wrong decisions, sometimes it is very difficult to hear it from someone else, especially from clients or competitors.

A few years back I wrote a process for myself on how I want to deal with criticism. Here are the steps I use to strive to deal with the negative:

1. The first step is introspection. Pausing for a moment after I have heard negative commentary, without responding to it immediately, always serves me well. Not all negative judgment towards me is false. Some of it has roots in truth. I believe that as a leader it is necessary to first ask the question: “Is it true? And if it is, am I willing to change it?” In answering that question, you can find the correct footing from there forward.
2. The second step I take is to ask whether I could have changed anything. I know that sometimes when making difficult choices like laying off staff, the choice is inevitable. The negative comments come, but leadership has strong enough shoulders not to retaliate or to give an answer where one is not needed. In a recent article on the same topic at inc.com, the writer states that emotionally intelligent people do not always justify themselves. In certain situations, silence is the best answer.
3. The third step is to stay on offense. Typically, a defensive position is one of weakness. I cannot be reactive. I must choose in every situation to absorb the situation and then choose a practical answer. Reactive words are often just gasoline to an open flame.
4. Fourth, I need to stay thick-skinned until the problem comes up repeatedly. If I get the same criticism over and over, then maybe there is some truth to it. Until then, I will not always allow words to penetrate. Pachyderm’s are animals like elephants and hippos. Broken down, the word is “pachy,” which means “thick,” and “derm,” which means “skin.” These animals are truly defined by their thick skin; as a leader, I need to be defined the same way.
5. Fifth, I must protect myself digitally. When I am criticized, often the personal sting is the least painful. Digital criticism is the worst kind, because it can live on forever on the internet. Make sure to have a robust digital media presence for the purpose of reputation management. I need to either be non-existent online and avoid it altogether or jump in with both feet. People who are harmed the most are those who have a digital presence that is average.
6. Lastly, keep my enemies close. The first thing I often do when I am criticized is distance myself from the source. This is least effective, because it shows weakness and guilt. I should embrace those who disagree and choose open dialogue with them. Ask: Why do you feel that way? or Have you always felt that way about me? My personal favorite is to ask: What could I have done better, in your opinion?” Questions like these diffuse our scoffers and also show a level of confidence to onlookers.

I hope this strategy helps. It is something that I strive to follow better in my own life. Criticism can make us or break us, but ultimately it is our choice how we respond.