Running a woman-owned business in the male-dominated private lending industry comes with challenges.

Who do you work for? Wow, you’ve got guts to do this. You don’t look like the owner. Who are you here with? Who backs your business? Are you here all by yourself? How do you do it with kids? Does your husband mind you working?

It may be hard to believe, but I’ve heard all the above at AAPL conferences. The last few years have been better because there are more women in the group and, hopefully, because more men are conscious of what they say and maybe how they think.

Then there are the non-AAPL groups. For example, there’s the organization led by a man who will remain nameless but likes to keep the room very cold and tries to build himself up as some sort of celebrity. I have met him a few times. Each time he has looked me up and down, decided I am not worthy of being his eye candy and dismisses me as if I was not even standing in front of him. These groups are not worth my time or money, so I don’t give them either.

It is not easy being a female in a predominantly male business. From the beginning, I had my champions. Paul, Dan, Mark, David, Bobby and Mike—hopefully you are reading this and know who you are. You have treated me as an equal from day one. There are others, who will not be named, who try to make me feel “less than.” Whether this is on purpose or subconscious, I don’t know. It really does not matter. I don’t give them any time or attention.

It’s Still ‘Worth It’
The point is, just because it wasn’t easy to achieve success in this industry, doesn’t mean it wasn’t worth it or cannot be done.

I was raised in a family in which my dad worked outside the home and my mom stayed home to take care of the house and family. Dad was somewhat of a chauvinist in his relationship with my mother, but he was also aware of this and raised his daughters to be strong and independent. Most important, we learned never to have to rely on a man to take care of us. We were taught to work hard, to have the last laugh and to be tough.

My sister is a physician, and I am the owner of a private lending company, which I founded after a successful law career. I would say Dad did it right. And saying that is not to take away from my mother, who was a force to be reckoned with in her own way. Mom and Dad passed away three and a half years ago, but they were both so proud of their strong, independent adult daughters.

When I began practicing law, my firm’s policy was that women were not allowed to wear pants to court. How crazy is that? This was not in the 1950s; it was the 1990s.

I followed the rules and never wore pants to work on court days. But, I made sure to wear them when I was confident that I would not be going to court. Other women attorneys in the firm did the same. From time to time, emergency court appearances would occur and one of us would go to court in pants. The sky did not fall in and there were no repercussions. Over time, pants were acceptable in court. It may sound like a small victory, but it is indicative of what my style has always been. I keep my mouth shut, follow the letter of the directive and work subtly to change it.

No Victims, Please
My motto for sexism in the workplace (and in life in general): Don’t be a victim. Don’t allow the ignorance of others to become a barrier and an excuse. If you cannot work with someone, work around them or find a new place to work. The worst thing you can do is accept the status quo and do nothing to change it.

In my first job out of college, I did not receive a deserved promotion because a man in a similar position, with fewer qualifications, was promoted. I was told that although I was more qualified, “he had a wife and child to support.” I quit that job that day and told them exactly why I was leaving. I found a better job in a matter of days and never looked back.

During the next year, no less than nine female co-workers from the old company followed me to the new company. The new company still exists; the old one is out of business. Was the exodus of so many women a contributing factor? Who knows—but it gives me great satisfaction.

I also bristle at women who are oversensitive to offenses or perceived offenses in the workplace. This may be an unpopular opinion, but unless it affects your upwardly mobility, limits your income or makes you feel unsafe, ignore it and move forward.

The CEO of the first mortgage company I worked for regularly commented on women’s appearance and clothing choices. Sometimes he was complimentary, sometimes not so nice. But, women were well-represented in senior management and paid commensurately with men.

The only time I spoke with him about his actions was when he gave tickets to sporting events to men in my position but not to me.  I pointed out that it was a bad idea to treat one of the company’s female attorneys differently than the men. It was simply ignorance on his part. Once I pointed this out, he regularly gave me and other women executives our share of the tickets. I was able to change his behavior by being humorously conversational, not confrontational.

Zero Tolerance
Being the owner of Rehab Financial Group, LP has not been without challenges. At times I have been described as “bossy,” when a man like me would be called a leader. I have been told that I can be “bitchy” when a man would be called direct. I have been called “shrill” when a man would be called assertive. The list could go on and on, but who cares? It really doesn’t matter. Ignore it and move forward.

I once had an employee who had a problem working for and with women. I tried to work with him, and he did become better with me, but not with female co-workers. After he called a female co-worker “blondie” and “girlie” in the same conversation, I terminated his employment. I will not tolerate it for a second when I see it being done to someone else.

My personal and business success speaks for itself. I am a woman business owner in a male-dominated industry, but you know what? I don’t need affirmation from outside people. It comes from inside. Nothing feels better than answering the stupid questions with the answer that I built my company on my own, from the ground up by being smart, determined, aggressive and organized. If that is an issue for someone, that is their problem, not mine.